Two Impactful Shift in the Daily Conversation
- Self Talk Shift
I love talking to myself(quietly)! hahaha
Shoutout to all Type5 enneagram babies! I am usually in my head. I tell people that if they saw me walking and didn’t seem to notice them, I am in conversation with myself.
My self talk is Highly Directive and Conclusory. There is no in between.
‘Do that!’ or ‘Do this.’
‘I should have done that!’
‘That was my fault.’
‘I don’t do stuff like that.’
‘Next time,I know better.
Personal fave? ‘____ Or else!’
And it works for me for all these years.
Learning about powerful questions, my initial and automatic application is with myself. I started asking questions in my self talks.
‘What factors influenced that decision?’
‘What are the barriers preventing me?’
‘How do I see the need for change here?’
‘How can I do things differently next time?’
‘How do I feel about this/that?’
Guess what? I had more meaningful time in my head!hahaha
Kidding aside, this shift led me to deeper Self Discovery, Self Awareness and Self Leadership.
I observed my tendencies, patterns and even fears, doubts and insecurities affecting my actions and relationships. I understand myself deeper. Self Awareness paved way for preventing negative self talk too. Now, I can lead myself better.
2. Transformed Interpersonal Discourse
The usual ‘how are you?’ that will get the usual answer ‘good,’ can be transformed to
What is it that made your day meaningful?
How would you like to remember today?
What is one thing you learned today?
Be surprised how they will actually think and answer!
Others believed that I am actually rational and objective. I agree with them!hahaha
Not few moments that I am asked for advice, thoughts and 2cents about matters of concern. Of course, I’ll gladly help! Several minutes of sharing Key Related facts, I will jump in the conversation fast with the best solution I can think of.
‘Ohhhh.I understand you. I have the same experience. You know, do this. and after, do that. blah blah blah’
‘Shocks! That’s exactly what happened to the cousin of the friend of my friend! And this is how they addressed that…blah blah blah’
Prevalent in our telling culture is Knowitallism. And many of us are infected. The seemingly listening posture but actually waiting for the other party to breathe and will leap with our own experiences and solutions.
Guilty!
With the learned coaching mindset, skillset and toolset, my daily interpersonal dialogue shifted. Active listening is the most difficult shift but the most relevant. Listening by being and doing, not just to prepare personal pep talk.
Asking questions instead of giving advice.
When a friend started sharing, I will ask ‘do you want to talk about it?’
It is an important question to confirm if the friend is just sharing, venting or really wants to go deeper in conversation. Saves time if the only goal is to vent.
In any dialogue, I keep in mind that the situation presented to me is totally a different one. I cannot say I understand easily because, I don’t. There may be small similarities but trust me, it is a different story. This mindset helped me ask questions to understand the different situations.
Asking questions paved way to clarity for both parties. Extroverted thinkers would appreciate this very much!
The last question I usually ask is ‘How do you plan to move from here?’
The other party will have to think for himself/herself because we usually forget, they are the master of their situations. Appreciate the trust and time given. Sharing something really personal can be hard so I appreciate friends who trust me.